Something is building up inside me. It's there. Just below the surface. Some days I think I can almost see it. It is reaching up. Struggling to reach the light and be free. Should I set it free? Or suppress it?
I am afraid of it. But it brings hope. Hope of change. Something different. More than just the status quo. More than what I am now.
When I catch a glimpse I see the edges are razor sharp. It brings pain. I know that when it reaches the surface it will rip through and burst free...but it will not be a quiet change. It will be a violent transformation. With casualties.
I know what it is. It is me. My true form.
She is hiding but she grows restless. She wishes to see the light and be free.
Soon. I shall set her free soon.
When I am prepared for the pain of revealing her. When I am prepared for the changes she brings and the losses she will bring to my life. When I can accept the freedom she promises me.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
How far we've come
A good friend of my husband is staying with us right now. He is going through a very painful time right now and we are trying to help him out. Having him here is a blessing because he is such a great help with the kids and he has even helped with housework and stuff. But, his presence brings up so many ghosts from our past.
It is a reminder of how far we have come. Of how much we have survived and triumphed over.
I love my husband but ours hasn't been an easy road. Our relationship has been through Hell. We have experienced just about every horrible thing that a couple can go through together or do to one another. And here we are. Still together. Still in-love.
No one would have thought we would last this long. And we probably shouldn't have. If either of us had any damn sense we would have split up for good years ago. But we are both too stubborn to give up on what we want. And what we want is each other
I hope that this friend can see there is hope. Not necessarily hope that all relationships can be saved...because they can't. It really does take two people to fight to fix a broken marriage..one person can't do it on their own, no matter how bad they want it. No, the hope lies in the fact that people are stronger than they think. And you can survive and be happy. Even after going through Hell.
It is a reminder of how far we have come. Of how much we have survived and triumphed over.
I love my husband but ours hasn't been an easy road. Our relationship has been through Hell. We have experienced just about every horrible thing that a couple can go through together or do to one another. And here we are. Still together. Still in-love.
No one would have thought we would last this long. And we probably shouldn't have. If either of us had any damn sense we would have split up for good years ago. But we are both too stubborn to give up on what we want. And what we want is each other
I hope that this friend can see there is hope. Not necessarily hope that all relationships can be saved...because they can't. It really does take two people to fight to fix a broken marriage..one person can't do it on their own, no matter how bad they want it. No, the hope lies in the fact that people are stronger than they think. And you can survive and be happy. Even after going through Hell.
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