A little more history.....living with a social freak.

In order to understand what goes on in this house and our whole family dynamics let me give you some more of our family history.
I will start with my husband....because why would I start with myself when airing my dirty laundry?  I like to point out the flaws of others first...that's just the type of person I am!!
His name is Josh and, like I said, he's a SAHD.  This isn't really by choice.  It's not that he's such an awesome and nurturing Dad that his sole life's purpose is to care for our little angels.  He didn't give up a fulfilling and rewarding career so that he could make sure our children were raised in a safe and loving home.
He has mental issues.  Yeah, I know...who doesn't, right?!  No, really...he has ISSUES!  He has extreme social anxiety.  So bad that being around other people causes him to just freak the "f" out.
He's had a few jobs.  But they all end in total and complete failure when he has some sort of mental breakdown. He usually ends up just walking out and never going back.
It's a real pain in the ass.  But it is what it is.  He takes meds and they keep him sane enough to watch the kids (barely) but that's about it.
You know what's really messed up?  Josh really doesn't like staying at home with the kids and I'd sell my freakin' soul to stay home with my children.  I seriously would.  I'd be all like, "Here, Satan...I know I shouldn't do this...but if you let me stay home and take care of my kids this used up old soul is allllll yours."  Then I'd sign my name in blood or something like that and it would be done.
But Satan doesn't want my soul, I guess.  So I have to keep working.  A lot.  And I only see my school-aged kids a few hours a week.
Yes, I am bitter about this.  It's not Josh's fault.  If he had a magic wand he would remove his disability.  He doesn't actually LIKE feeling the way he does.  It's complete Hell for him.  If he could change things I know he'd work a normal job and support his family.  He'd be able to answer the phone when it rings and not cower in fear!  (yes, a simple phone call can send him into a panic attack...I've seen it!)  He'd be able to go through the McDonald's drive-thru...or walk thru Walmart without thinking everyone in the whole store is watching him and only him (yeah...like they don't have enough freaks to look at in WALMART!).
I don't always get it.  And sometimes I lash out because of the un-fairness of it all.  Sometimes I take it out on him.  I hate that he's defective.  Even though I know it's not his fault.  Just ONCE I'd like to do something that a normal couple does.  Did you know that we had concert tickets once?  ROB ZOMBIE tickets!!!  And we had to sell them and go to the lame Chinese buffet for dinner instead.  Why?  Because a rock concert would send Josh over the edge.  It seriously would.  Can you imagine someone who is so scared of being around people, surrounded by thousands of screaming, drunk Rob Zombie fans?!  Yeah, it wouldn't have been pretty.
I love my husband with all my heart.  This is just one of the challenges and issues I have to deal with in order to be with him.  Does it suck big hairy monkey balls?  Yes, definitely.  Is it worth it?  Yes, definitely.